URGENTLY IMPORTANT HIGH PRIORITY BREAKING NEWS
Special to the Remnant
In retaliation for alleged hacking of the email of the Democratic National Committee and its Chairman, John Podesta, President Obama has announced the explusion of 35 Russian diplomats and the closure of two Russian diplomatic compounds (in New York and Maryland).
“Never again must Russian hackers be allowed to reveal the truth about the machinations of my party,” said Obama in his statement on the sanctions. “This interference in our corrupt political process is intolerable.”
Russia has denied any involvement in the hacking, and Julian Assange, the head of WikiLeaks, has insisted that the Russian government was not the source of the emails WikiLeaks released to the public. While the Obama administration has yet to release any evidence of Russian involvement, intelligence sources in the intelligence community have reached a consensus that Russia was behind the hacking based on evidence that cannot be published because it is Top Secret evidence that no one is allowed to see—even in a closed Congressional briefing the intelligence community has declined to provide. “Even those who found this evidence are not allowed to see it. That’s how Top Secret it is,” said Ben Nascosto, a CIA spokesman.
Obama has promised, however, that his administration will release a review of the consensus by the intelligence sources in the intelligence community just in time to cast a cloud over the inauguration of President Trump, who “would not have been elected if Russia had not embarrassed Hillary,” said a DNC source involved in the intelligence review. The review will not include the Top Secret evidence because it will still be Top Secret.
“We certainly can’t let Russia know why there is a consensus that Russia is behind the hacking, because then the Russians would know how we arrive at consensuses, which itself is a Top Secret process,” said Nascosto. “The people who are demanding to see evidence don’t understand how the intelligence community works. The primary evidence for an intelligence community consensus is the consensus. We would not have reached a consensus that Russia was behind this if we were not convinced that it must have been Russia. That conviction led to the consensus that is the basis for our consensus.”
“It is simply outrageous that Trump does not take the consensus of the intelligence community seriously,” said John Podesta in comments on the sanctions. “I find it alarming that the man about to be sworn in as President does not have implicit faith in the trustworthiness of the CIA in particular—as if that revered intelligence agency would spread disinformation or put out a hit on people like Putin does. How can anyone govern this country if he does not trust the CIA?”
Commenting on the sanctions during a press conference in Moscow, Vladimir Putin remarked: “This is a joke, right? No, really? 35 of our people expelled? For crying out loud, Russia was not involved! I told that clown Obama when I last met him and he told me to ‘cut it out.’ Cut what out? How about some evidence? I can’t wait until Trump is inaugurated and I can start dealing with an adult. Give me a break.”
When asked why there had been no sanctions for previous alleged Russian hacking involving classified information in federal agency data banks, compromising national security, Obama replied: “That was nothing personal, just espionage. We do it to them, they do it to us. But here we’re talking about Hillary and her turn to be President. If not for Russian interference, my legacy of abortion, contraception, sodomy, transgender bathrooms, massive illegal immigration, spreading Islamic terror and unaffordable health care would have remained intact with her. This outrageous interference in the folly of the democratic process cannot go unpunished. Russia must pay and the American people must know that Russia stole this election for Trump, according to the consensus of the intelligence community, no matter how many electoral votes he supposedly won. And, as we know, Hillary won the popular vote in Los Angeles and New York. So there’s that.”
In view of Russia’s hacking of the election, actor Martin Sheen has formed a coalition of celebrities and Democratic Party strategists in another last-ditch attempt to prevent Trump from taking power. The Mahogany Box Coalition aims to prevent Congress from counting the electoral votes that were placed in the traditional mahogany boxes by the electoral colleges that voted in each state before being sent to Washington for the count before a joint session of Congress on January 6.
“Who says they have to open those damn boxes?” Sheen asked. “If those boxes stay shut, no electoral votes can be counted and Trump will not be President. It’s that simple. The members of Congress have a duty under the Constitution not to open those boxes. The Founders wisely envisioned those boxes as the last defense against a dangerous homophobic maniac becoming president and launching all of our nuclear missiles at the first country that annoys him.”
A Keep the Boxes Shut petition online has already garnered 10 million signatures from at least 5,000 people.