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Wednesday, January 5, 2022

Another SUPER DUPER Update on TC: Has Pope Francis Done It Again?

Written by  Pat Benedict
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Another SUPER DUPER Update on TC: Has Pope Francis Done It Again?

Regarding certain matters associated with that which is called TRADITIONIS CUSTODES
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An anonymous Vatican employee has made available a draft found near the desk of Pope Francis concerning questions and answers relating to certain matters associated with what is called Traditionis Custodes.

(Note: The Traditional Latin Mass, also called the Extraordinary Form of the Mass, is referenced as "the Latin Mass" throughout this document.)

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To the proposed question:

While at the grocery store, can one Latin Mass attendee tell another Latin Mass attendee the starting time for an upcoming Sunday Latin Mass at the parish church?

The answer is:

Affirmative(with guidelines).

Explanatory note.

Verbal communication in such a public setting is forbidden, but written communication is allowed provided the writing is no more than 1/10 the size of the print used to mark a bulb's wattage for penlight flashlights (enlarged example: 9 a.m.).  Even with that, transfer of information should avoid sections of the store where people are more likely to congregate(candy, potato chips, beer, etc.) Information should be written with non-toxic ink and on a non-toxic surface in as much as the recipient is required to chew up and swallow Latin Mass time information within 1 second of receiving it. [In the unlikely event writing is not an option, the attempted transfer of information through grunting is allowable(though frowned upon).]

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To the proposed question:

May a husband and wife who had a Latin Mass wedding keep an 11" x 17" wedding portrait on their living room wall?

The answer is:

Negative.

Explanatory note.

Numerous potential problems with this, including visitors asking questions about the wedding portrait which could then lead to other questions which could then eventually lead to questions being asked about the time for the next Sunday Latin Mass at the parish church.

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To the proposed question:

May a husband and wife who had a Latin Mass wedding keep a 3" x 5" instant camera snapshot of their wedding hung on their refrigerator door?

The answer is:

Negative.

Explanatory note.

I knew you people could be rigid, but a bunch of knuckleheads???

Re-read(and keep re-reading) the answer about the 11" x 17" portrait until you figure it out. (And, be glad there is no Code of Canon Law penalty for acting like a blockhead.)

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To the proposed question:

Regarding sources that say some bishops are now requiring Latin Mass attendees to whisper the word "unclean" when entering numerous settings filled with persons who attend the Novus Ordo Mass: Did this policy originate with you, Pope Francis?

The answer is:

Negative!

Such an accusation is outrageous! The solitary directive I will be issuing for Latin Mass attendees requires the word "unclean" to be shouted in a vociferous and repetitive fashion, as in:

UN-CLEEEEEEAN!!! UN-CLEEEEEEEEAN!!!!

(The additional directive for Latin Mass attendees to be vigorously shaking a cowbell while shouting "unclean" should be regarded as the norm but, in rare circumstances, permission may be given by the local bishop to substitute the cowbell for a similarly loud school bell.)

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To the proposed question:

May a Novus Ordo Mass attendee departing the parish church hold open the front door for a newly arriving Latin Mass attendee?

The answer is:

Affirmative(with guidelines).

Explanatory note.

The Novus Ordo Mass attendee door opener should avoid all eye contact with the Latin Mass attendee; should display a frightened countenance; and, if possible, is encouraged to hum a pre-approved 1970s folk song composed by either Sister Verrey Groovey or Brother Blu Jeens.

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To the proposed question:

Is there any system presently available that can be utilized by parishes in order to protect Novus Ordo Mass attendees from being influenced by attendees of the Latin Mass?

The answer is:

Affirmative.

It just so happens, a number of chancery bureaucrats have recently held numerous workshops (and, after that, even more workshops) to come up with a system which is similar to the one used by a number of local TV weathermen. This two layered system is called: The Latin Mass Attendee Watch and The Latin Mass Attendee Warning. The Watch is characterized by a distinct alarm that sounds throughout the parish's property when conditions are favorable for Latin Mass attendees to show up(the altar is arranged for Mass to be offered ad orientem; charcoal is burning in a censer; the organist is practicing pre-1960 Catholic hymns, etc.). Though the Watch should always be taken seriously, it is not until the Latin Mass Attendee Warning is sounded that one can know a Latin Mass attendee has actually been spotted. (IMPORTANT: Once spotted, Novus Ordo attendees should take immediate cover, i.e. hide!!!!) Though a man wearing a suit coat and tie(or a woman wearing an ankle-length dress) can be a very good indicator, the Warning is normally not sounded until at least two of the following conditions have been confirmed:                                                                               a) A person carrying a thick(usually black covered) book that has a minimum of 5 ribbons(please note: they call this the Missal); b) The wearing of a chapel veil or mantilla veil by a girl or woman; c) A married couple is seen with 5 or more children; d) A child or adult is distinctly heard humming or singing the hymn: O Sanctissima; e) The Brown Scapular is worn on the outside of a person's clothing.

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To the proposed question:

After the publication of the post-synodal exhortation Amoris Laetitia (304), does one still need to regard as valid the teaching of St. John Paul II’s encyclical Veritatis Splendor, 79, based on sacred Scripture and on the Tradition of the Church, on the existence of absolute moral norms that prohibit intrinsically evil acts and that are binding without exceptions?

The answer is:

...

                                              

Explanatory Note:
Who slipped that one in? I knew you folks could be rigid(and occasionally knuckleheaded), but sneaky? That I didn't figure. Anyway, I do know there has been talk regarding why it took only about 5 months for answers to be provided for questions concerning that which I call Traditionis Custodes, whereas it has been about 5 years and I still haven't publicly answered the four cardinals' questions concerning Amoris Laetitia. Well, how about this: "Time is greater than space"; i.e. the amount of "time" not providing a response to the cardinals' concerns(about 5 years) is greater than the "space" used(zero) to type answers on typing paper.

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pat_benedict.jpgLongtime Latin Mass attendee Pat Benedict, who released this document, is presently using himself as a research subject regarding the possibility of one having natural immunity against learning the Latin language with regards to vocabulary as well as pronunciation. Though Pat has mastered the words "amen" and "oremus", it doesn't extend far beyond that and, it would appear, never will.

 

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Last modified on Wednesday, January 5, 2022