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by James Cunningham

Future Canonization Announced

St. Barrack

Breaking News from the Vatican: The Congregation for the Causes of the Saints has approved the canonization of President Barrack Hussein Obama and all that is needed is the Pope’s signature.  The overwhelming support given by the Theologians, Cardinals and the Bishops indicates that the outcome will be positive.  The Positio, a collection of the late President’s papers and documents used to promote his cause for sainthood was unanimously approved by all present.  The Bishops and Cardinals expressed themselves in favor of the   “Heroic Virtues” of Barrack H. Obama elected President in 2008 and deceased in 2039 especially for his transformative policies in “Social Justice and Universal Healthcare”. 

The former President served for three terms in office of the former United States of America before leading his country and the world into the revolutionary One New World Order.  The official and necessary miraculous healing of the late Cardinal Dolan of “traditionalist amnesia” in the year 2012 was all that was needed to confirm his beatification.  As a world leader for peace through confiscation of all privately owned guns, businesses and property and his redistribution of poverty the world has become equally poor with only the leaders exercising a different proportional lifestyle.  His policies: for the elimination of traditions both religious and national, places him in the unique position for sainthood as a true son of the Second Ecumenical Vatican Council. His inspiring theological pronouncement of not knowing when life begins as a rule for killing unborn children is not inconsistent with the definition of “hermeneutics in confusion of continuity” and revolutionizes traditional Catholic doctrine.

There will be a celebration held in honor of his elevation to the Supper Table of Saints held in St. Peter’s Square in late June and all are required to attend.  All those who oppose will be executed as per the new First Amendment of the Constitution of the Universal Humanist Secular Governmental Church of Equality.  Are we there yet?